Ice Cream and Beer… Part 1

Sure I want to get back in shape. And I’m willing to do almost anything to make that happen. I’ll eat right and exercise and get plenty of sleep, but everyone has their limits and there is some stuff I’m not willing to compromise.

I will never give up ice cream or beer.

Why the hell would I? There are certain things in life that just make it worth living.

If I could live for a hundred years and be the healthiest dude on earth, but I had to give up one of these things, I doubt I’d be interested, and if I had to give up both? Forget i

This whole topic arose from a conversation I had with my beautiful wife this morning. She is a dedicated soul, and has committed to giving up sugar for a month. God bless her, when my wife commits to something, she is committed! Her unwavering devotion to her cause when she decides to do something is remarkable.

As for me? Not so much. I mean I’m as determined as the next guy, but unfortunately for me, the next guy doesn’t have a lot of will power either.

I start out with good intentions, but by the weekend old habits kick in and I need a reward for making it through a tough week. So as I was poking around the kitchen this morning, I looked in the freezer and I noticed it was lacking my favorite frozen dairy product.

Now I need to address the shortage we have in the freezer, but I’m aware of Lori’s position on this topic. We’ve been married a long time, and I know I’m going to have to tiptoe through this minefield if I’m going to be successful. I mean I can’t just blurt out ” We need ice cream!” That would just be plain stupid.

So I had to move tactically.

” Do you want me to get something for dinner tonight?”

Always open with a problem solving intention, so as to not appear self serving.

“We shouldn’t need much, ” she replied, “I’ve made a salad and we’re doing  burgers, so we should be all set.”

“Yeah, but don’t you want something for desert?”

Damn! Too soon. You can’t inquire about desert with the freezer door open. For that matter, what the hell was I doing in the freezer in the morning anyway?

Rookie move.

“We said we were going to start eating well, and it hasn’t even been ten days!” She said. She saw right through me. Like a moron, I tried to rationalize my intention. ” I posted in my blog last night that I was starting on the 15th, so I still got a couple of days.”

Classic Excuse Fairy move. Fail to keep to your plan, so you move the date up for your own convenience, justifying it with some half legitimate excuse to make yourself feel better.

“You do what you want,” she said, “I’m all set.”

Ouch, the old “you do what you want” line.

Loosely translated: ” you know you’re making the wrong choice, I’m not going down with you.”

This is why I love her. Once she goes after something, she is laser focused. I mean she has a tenacity so fierce that we’re she to decide to run for office, I’d need to figure out what to wear in Washington DC for the inauguration.

But this isn’t about her Awesome ability to keep faithful to her goals, rather it’s about my tendencies to give up on mine.

I really don’t give up. It just occurred to me today during our conversation that there’s just some stuff I refuse to live without. Ice cream happens to be one of those things.

I love Ice Cream. It is in my opinion one of the most amazing inventions created by man. To hell with the moon landing or the internet, we found a way to mix milk fat with sugar and freeze it, then combine it with every kick ass flavor known to humanity. Ice cream can put smiles on the angriest faces and turn grumpy old men into kids again ( I’m referring to myself of course).

There are statues all over the world of great men and women, who affected the course of human events, and made our existence substantial and worthwhile. These monuments adorn our most hallowed places, in memoriam to the contributions they made to society. But is there anything to honor the ones who have given us the most excellent frozen treat in the universe?

Why even in the capital of Vermont, they’ve erected a statue of Ethan Allen, a revolutionary war hero, fair enough I guess. Also they have a statue of Jacob Collamer. he was a postmaster. I guess that’s okay too.

But it could be argued that the greatest two citizens Vermont ever produced were Ben and Jerry.  I don’t even know what their last names are, but they should have statues in Montpelier. In my opinion, Cherry Garcia is the greatest culinary creation man has ever known.  If that doesn’t deserve a statues, what the hell does?

The bottom line is ice cream rules, and I refuse to live without it.

And as far as beer goes….

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