The Excuse Fairy

Last night, after I made the decision to write a blog post every day, I also decided that it was time to get back to the gym.  This blog is about an old fat man getting back in shape, and if I was to write a post every day, I’d better come up with some material to write about. So the time for doing half-assed workouts was over, I needed to get back to my CrossFit gym and start kicking some ass .

The problem I had, in addition to my crappy mood and all the bad habits I’d adopted over the last few months, was my gym had changed locations earlier this year. This made it difficult to get there after work, and as we all know, if you add any degree of difficulty to the fitness equation, it’s going to compound the reasons for you not to do it, and the friggin’ Excuse Fairy is going to feed on it like crazy.

You all know the Excuse Fairy. She  looks for adversity in your life, whispers in your ear in in effort to convince you that its bigger than it actually is, and then tells you it’s too great to overcome until you cave in  to her excuse not to do it.

I wasn’t entirely listening to her right away. I did make the attempt to go to the gym after work, at least a couple of times. But I found it just wasn’t practical. As rotten as the Excuse Fairy is, there are times she’s right.  When this happens, she just kicks back in her chair, with a smug “I told you so,” look on her face and makes you feel stupid for not listening to her in the first place.  Sadly, I’m afraid this was one of those times. Given my schedule and traffic, I could not make it there in time for an afternoon class.

So last night, I decided I was sick of the Excuse Fairy’s shit, and I was going to find a way to get back at it. I was going to get up early and head into  the gym at five o’clock the next morning.

Too easy.

It made total sense,  get to the gym in time for the 6:00 CrossFit class, have an awesome workout and have it all done before eight o’clock. This would give me plenty of time to get to work on time and have a great day!

There was only one problem, the Excuse Fairy was not pleased.

When the alarm went off this morning at 4:25, she started right in on me, and since I had been up late writing the night before, I was having a real hard time arguing with her.

The conversation with went something like this:

ME: Crap, 4:30 already? Oh well, I suppose I gotta do this.

EF: Dude, it’s way to early for this shit. Listen to that wind! It must be like 20 degrees out.

ME: It’s only September. Stop being so dramatic.

EF: Even so, it’s real warm under these blankets. I say we put this off until tomorrow when you’re better rested, and it’s warmer.

ME: You’re right. Nope, Goddammit, I gotta get up.

I get up an move to the bathroom…

EF: You are way too tired for this. I say we finish up in here and get back in bed. You’d have a crappy workout anyway, and what you really need is sleep.

ME: Yeah, I think your right…. No! Dammit, I said I was doing this, and I’m doing this!

I go into my room and start to pack my gym bag…

EF: You haven’t even packed yet?  You’ll never make it in time now. You may as well go back to bed.

ME: Yeah, I should have prepared better. You’re right, I’ll give it another shot tomorrow.

EF: That’s my boy

ME: Dammit, you did it again! NO. I’m packing this bag, I’m making a coffee and I’m driving in to the gym. I’m going to do what I said I’d do and you’re going to shut your mouth. Enough is enough!

EF: Okay, whatever you say.

EF: It does look cold out there though…


EF: Fine!

EF: I think you’re starting to get a sore throat. You’re probably catching that flu that’s going around…

This went on for the whole time I was getting ready, and the entire ride in. Relentlessly harping about all the reasons this was a bad idea, and how I was better off staying in bed. It took every ounce of determination I could muster in order to get to the gym this morning, and she would not stop. She kept the pressure on the whole time until I had actually started the workout! For a moment, she even convinced me that I should stop for breakfast instead, and I almost pulled in to the restaurant. If it wasn’t for the fact that the restaurant had gone out of business, I would have been shoving pancakes down my throat instead of doing burpees.

But why? Why is she so intent on keeping me for doing things that are good for me? I don’t think she’s evil, in her own twisted way, she’s just trying to keep me happy and comfortable. But in the end, if I listen to her, she’s going to cause me more harm than good.

If you think about it, the reason most people my age don’t exercise regularly is because they  think they’re too old to change their habits, and when they try to start a new diet or exercise program, the damn Excuse Fairy is right in their ear giving them all the reasons they can’t do it. This is bullshit.

In the end, she was right about one thing. I was too tired, and did have a crappy workout. But whatever, a crap workout is way better than none, and I felt awesome going in to work. She did distract me enough that I forgot to pack my deodorant and belt, but it didn’t matter. I walked into work triumphant in the knowledge that I beat the Excuse Fairy.  I was a winner this morning, even if I was a bit smelly and my pants kept falling down.

Feeling good… even if my pants are a bit too loose. Up yours Excuse Fairy.


  1. Way to go!!!! Keep up the good work! She lives everywhere!! And has taken up residency here for way too long! I’ve been in a physical therapy program that just ended for me on Wednesday…and now it’s time to do it on my own…scared to go to the gym by myself! Isn’t that crazy…I’m 54…and scared!!! You’ve inspired me to punch the fairy in the face and call my gym today to make an appt to help me carry on! Hopefully, I get a nice person to answer the phone!!!!


    • That is Awesome! I’m so glad this helped. I know exactly how it feels to go into the gym for the first time, or even after a long break, and it can be really nerve racking! I’ll tell you, don’t rule out your local CrossFit gym. CrossFit coaches are the best at tailoring workouts to your needs (I’m going to write more about that soon) and I even tried hot yoga (more on that to come as well). You want to talk about nervous? I was sure I wasn’t cut out for that. But Yoga people are the most friendliest on earth, and they helped me alot with an ankle injury when I couldn’t do anything else. At the very least, I’m here for you.. We’re all in this together!


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